almost honest

One thing is true.  I don’t know that I can do this.  I don’t know if this is another failure that I will chalk up on my list, and not the type of failure that I learn from — but that type that’s a let down.  To stay positive is so difficult and I just want to tell someone, “Sometimes I don’t believe in myself at all and maybe I’m just a stubborn idiot.  I have gotten by being good at everything but never great enough to be who I (and loosely others) believe I can be.”   Right now, just sitting in this coffee shop and making a production schedule, I’m realizing just how fucking much there is.

Point blank, I don’t know if I have the discipline and focus to get it done.  I sound like a bitch, but it’s just being (mostly) honest with myself.  All I know is that I’m going to try really hard, but it’s going to be tough.  Anyways, it’s new years day.  Closing the book on what has been a rather successful year in many regards.  Goals for 2012: Pursue dream, find love.  Just like losing weight, these are my recurring ‘resolutions.’


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