almost honest

One thing is true.  I don’t know that I can do this.  I don’t know if this is another failure that I will chalk up on my list, and not the type of failure that I learn from — but that type that’s a let down.  To stay positive is so difficult and I just want to tell someone, “Sometimes I don’t believe in myself at all and maybe I’m just a stubborn idiot.  I have gotten by being good at everything but never great enough to be who I (and loosely others) believe I can be.”   Right now, just sitting in this coffee shop and making a production schedule, I’m realizing just how fucking much there is.

Point blank, I don’t know if I have the discipline and focus to get it done.  I sound like a bitch, but it’s just being (mostly) honest with myself.  All I know is that I’m going to try really hard, but it’s going to be tough.  Anyways, it’s new years day.  Closing the book on what has been a rather successful year in many regards.  Goals for 2012: Pursue dream, find love.  Just like losing weight, these are my recurring ‘resolutions.’

Leaving on a Jet Fighter

Shit is real.  I told my boss I was leaving (at a Subway #stayclassy) and there is exactly one week until I am a free man.  It is both incredibly excited and scary at the same time.  After living at poverty level three years ago, and living the high life in 2011… it’s a pretty interesting mind fuck.  I realized something interesting: I’m either a genius, or I’m absolutely crazy.  Time will tell, but I’m hoping there’s a crossroad between the two.

I feel so blessed that I’ve had Byron and Alexis to help design and dev the website.  It’s been a really fun experience talking about the different options, pros and cons of user interface/experience (the nerds call is UX/UI, which I first thought was a sequel to AI), and exploring the coloring schemes/fonts.  I am not looking forward to the day that I have to work with someone that isn’t a friend.  That’s, I guess, a big part of why I saved up the money to produce this thing.

With the site set to be functional tomorrow and all the properties with actual content (tumblr, two blogs, youtube, and facebook), things are literally starting exactly on schedule.  My goal was to have everything live, and only production starting January.  I’ve submitted my papers to the Secretary of State to change my company’s name from what it was to “Neverdream LLC.”  It fits me.  The obvious interpretation along with the lesser obvious, sarcastic one.  It’s very apparent who supports me and believes in this ridiculousness I’m doing, and those who are just wishing me luck.  Never dream, just do what you’re supposed to.  That’s what life is, just be who you’re supposed to be.

I find it ironic, but I just got a spam message on twitter about getting a job that pays what I am walking away from.  Well, here’s to being foolish.  Thanks Steve.