Keeping the dream alive and living the dream are two statements I love, but are both somewhat depressing. Keeping the dream alive means you’re struggling to do what you truly want to. You’re somewhat passively trying but almost knowing that what you wish to achieve will never come.
Living the dream is actually a really depressing statement. It means you’re finding superficial happiness you missed out on earlier. At least most of the time. Even people who actually are living the dream are plagued by the restrictions of wealth and fame.
Those are just random thoughts. They’re full of holes, but since I let them out of my head it’s fair to criticize. While we’re on topics of debate, I have an awesome Halloween costume. It’s a TRON get up. It’s awesome. It was also my brother’s costume from last year. whoops. I love that even though I’m 25, I still use his stuff like I’m 13. To be fair, we dress up all the time and I hook him up with hella costume action. Time to go eat pizza with some people who I enjoy. Harvard grads that enjoy partying. Me… but a lot smarter.
Time is passing by and my my my I’m am dying every hour not constantly creating something. This dream has been going on a year, but truthfully, it’s been going on much longer. My senior project in college was a pilot for a live, interactive improv show. I literally did then exactly what I’m doing now, but I’m just better at everything. The scary part is 4 years later, it still might not be good enough. Just like now, I did everything include perform in my pilot – which I called Untitled Comedy Hour – mostly because I couldn’t come up with a name. I can think of a lot of creative ideas, but I’m terrible with creating names. Partly because I’ve had a very odd name myself. Some things don’t change. We never change.
So how long will this dream last? If it lasts a year and I walk away having creating something, fail or succeed, I will be happy that I went for it. My pilot from college was not that great, and the only thing that went wrong technically was the sound — which is the only thing I left to someone else unsupervised. One of my fellow radio DJs. Stupid me thinking someone in radio could handle audio.
I’m talking to much and need to do. I need to quit. I’ve been convinced to stay through December. January seems an eternity away. Come on skinny love, last a year.
I got my hands on a $65k camera today. A new, compact RED epic. As much as I want to believe that a really nice camera versus my DSLR won’t be that different if you do other things right, but after the little demo that’s just straight up not true. Part of this journey into creating Local Brew is becoming a better filmmaker. Learning the technical aspects, the work flow into post production, and all these other things keep stacking up. Where the hell do you learn about all these things if you don’t have the money to get your paws on it and play? The answer is obviously film school, but really — that’s a shit ton of money too aaaand after a certain point you can’t just leave life to study film again. It just sucks. I want a milli in equipment and a year to learn everything. I’d accept cash too, but I wouldn’t know how to spend it. Probably just buy a giant slip n slide and a 100 waterproof cameras to shoot it bullet time from 360 degrees. Pretty badass if you ask me.
Point being , I want to make awesome shit. If I can get good enough at faking it with post production and good concepts/storytelling… I’ll eventually be able to shoot good stuff on badass equipment and…take over the world! I’m an idiot.
Dubstep has to be the best worst music around. The gap between good and bad remixes are immense, but when I find one I like it’s like I’ve won a prize. Let anyone listen that doesn’t have an inner rave child and they are immediately repulsed, but I believe that if you’ve got music in your soul you HAVE to vibe. I find there are very select bands and artists you can create to. They vary greatly: Led Zeppelin, MUSE, Bon Iver… but among those are a handful of long dubstep/electro remixes. Skrillex – Cinema is a great, hey I’ve never heard this shit before how does it sound? It has more lube than a lot of dubstep.
Truth is, I’m just trying to waste the work day. I came in earlier than usual and I feel like shit so I put my hood up, sunglasses on, and crankd this shit. And yes, I’m wearing sunglasses indoors in Seattle. It’s fucking liberating.
The big news today is that I’ve got someone to dev the site that my favorite art director, Byron, is designing. Alexis (that’s the dude) worked with both Byron and I at my current workplace back before we had a billion bosses. Back when things were hectic as shit, but fun and lax. I somehow got really lucky and get to keep the ‘only work with friends’ approach I’ve had since the beginning.
I should say something more meaningful but I’m hungry and I can’t think when I’m not being obese. Point being, I’m really f*cking excited to have talented friends that are supporting me in this dream. America…f*uck yeah. (note that I meant to censor that but had a type fail that I left because it’s f*cking funny). The bands getting back together. Reunion tour.
Hello. My name is Not Important. I apologize in advance for not writing sooner, but I do spend a lot of time thinking about writing you…you know how it is, I’m a dreamer. This is my first note towards doing. Being present. I want don’t want to keep everything in my head. Anyways, I just wanted to say hello. We shouldn’t need a purpose to be friendly.
The truth is I did nothing today. I had a delightful brunch with some friends and strangers and then played with a $6,000 Steadicam rig to no avail. Avail? How often do you write down a phrase you use only to realize you have no idea how to spell it. Without further ado… further or due… further mountain dew.
I am not ready to tell you the news quite yet, or rather my decision more than actual news. My hope is that you’ll support me rather than reject me for it, as people tend to do when those around them have greater ambitions. It’s rare to find a friend who genuinely reveres in your successes. For tonight though, I’m going to flip on another episode of Mad Men or Breaking Bad and call it a mildly productive night. This is my first note, and although you probably won’t remember it much as it gets buried in the shoe box, know that from the start — it’s not about me. I promise you this. At many time it may not appear as such and I may promote myself and go to fancy dinners wearing fancy suits, know that this life isn’t about me. If I ever cross that line with you, check me. I can’t promise I’ll agree with you, but I will always listen.
When I started this writing this, it’s helpful to know I was listening to River Flows in You by Yiruma. Goodnite.